i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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