Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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