mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait