Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.