It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets