so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Found your dick twin last night
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
