Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize