It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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