Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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