im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
A bitchslap is in order.
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