You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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