If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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