Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
