I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
