Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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