I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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