why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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