so that wasnt chicken after all
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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