Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
