yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize