I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
