Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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