laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
