I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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