so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
