no, he came in my armpit
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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