Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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