whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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