Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
