he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
