He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I could fuck to npr.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
