i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
