1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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