The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
