i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
