dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
