What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
