mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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