I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
