he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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