epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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