i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
