I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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