Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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