3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
