Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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