Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
