Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
