If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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