She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
