If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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