That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
