Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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