That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my shit smells like andre
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I need moral support for this bender
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
