So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
