Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
