Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
