sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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