he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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