he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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