One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
