party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
