I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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