My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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