i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
