Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
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I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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