Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Michael Bay diarrhea
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Found your dick twin last night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
