my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
