It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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