he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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