Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
