Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
