so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
