Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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