is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
