FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
