My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
