so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
