just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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