Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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