good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with