I hate all girls vehemently.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am one with the molecules
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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