it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.