I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter