A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.